Why I’ve failed at finding mentors… and the advice that changed it all for me

The idea of improving your life through mentors is one of those things that has popped up in my life from time to time.

When I was in college, the students were encouraged to find mentor but I struggled with finding one and when I finally did, the relationship fell flat.

Mentorship reappeared on my radar in my first out-of-college job when we were assigned mentors. Frankly, I hated my mentor — he was not the person I aspired to be! The same thing happened in my second job as well.

Later, I joined a charitable organization that encouraged its members to find mentors and even then I couldn’t find someone who I wanted to aspire to be like.

I believe that being mentored is a huge opportunity and a “must-do” activity for anyone who wants to be successful in life. But I could not find a mentor to help me. Over coffee, I shared my frustration with a trusted friend. He pointed out the following piece of advice that changed my approach to mentorship. He said..

“You don’t have to find ONE mentor. Instead, pick several spheres of your life where you want to grow and find a mentor for each sphere.”

My friend pointed out that I could never aspire to be 100% like someone else. Instead, I had to choose what aspects of several peoples’ lives did I aspire to be like.

This was a transformational thought for me. It completely fixed what I felt was broken in the mentorship process. For example, there was one person I wanted to mentor me in the area of business but he lacked the relationship-building skills that I also wanted to be mentored in. So I found two mentors — a business mentor and a relationship-building mentor. Yes, it doubles the amount of time that I am being mentored but the results are well worth the investment.

Now it’s your turn

If there is one person you aspire to be like, great. Make them your mentor. But chances are, there’s no one who you aspire to be completely like. (We’re all unique!)

So instead of trying to find one mentor who you aspire to, identify several areas of your life where you’d like to grow. Then pick two or three of those areas and find mentors in them.

Posted on January 26, 2012