How to Build Self Confidence 101

Learning how to build self confidence is both simple and complicated at the same time.

It’s simple because there are some very easy exercises you can do and changes you can make to see an improvement in how you feel about yourself.   In fact, this article will offer you a step-by-step approach to your day that will help you do just that.

It’s complicated, however, because we hold so tightly to preconceived notions about ourselves that it can be difficult to let go of previous behaviors, even though we really do want to see results.

In short, our subconscious mind often works to sabotage our success.

The good news is that by simply realizing you want to make improvements to your self confidence, you’ve already taken a crucial step in overcoming some of the preexisting obstacles in your way.

For many people, there is no realization that they need to make changes; or they just believe that self confidence is something you’re born with, and there’s no use in trying to build it now.

While it does seem like some people are simply born with the gift of self confidence, most of us actually do have to work to overcome self doubts and low self esteem at various times during our lives.  Whether you’ve hit a slump or feel like you’ve always been a little behind when it comes to this trait, the way to see real change is to break old patterns.

What follows is a daily schedule for building self confidence. 

Each item on the list takes only a few extra minutes a day, and by adding them all up over the course of a few days, you may just surprise yourself with the difference you see.

Waking Up – Start with Gratitude

Each of us has many blessings in life, but when we lack self confidence, we often tend to see the negative far more clearly than the positive.  Giving gratitude a prominent place in your life can do wonders to improve your mood and your view of yourself.

A simple exercise is to take a few minutes of reflection each morning before getting out of bed. Spend a small amount of time breathing deeply while listing things for which you are grateful that day.  Do your best not to just list the same things every morning, as then this exercise becomes more a matter of memorization than actually thinking and appreciating.

One of the great things about practicing gratitude this way is that it automatically starts your day on a positive note.

Getting Ready for the Day – Dress Nicely

Have you ever noticed that when you get dressed up for a special event, you carry yourself a little differently?

A lot of this has to do with feeling good about how you look.  It may sound superficial, but these positive self images are internalized and can have a great effect on your attitude throughout the day.

The goal here isn’t to spend so much time on your appearance that you ignore other things or stress yourself out by running late; rather, it’s to create a sense of empowerment.  Instead of putting on those comfy pants with the elastic band that’s almost worn out, choose something a step or two above to wear for the day.  Take a little time in the bathroom to style your hair or put on a touch of makeup.

Because you feel good about yourself (not to mention that you look good) others will notice.  They’ll likely have a more positive response to you.  This feeds into your sense of self confidence, and the cycle can continue from there.

Going about Your Business – Create a Positive Affirmation

While you’re spending a little extra time in front of the mirror, you can increase the benefits by repeating a good positive affirmation.  The most powerful affirmations are phrases written in the present tense that define positive outcomes. For example, “I feel so good about myself that others feel good about me, too.”  Maybe this statement isn’t entirely true (yet), but by repeating it in the present tense, you train your mind to believe it is reality.  The result is that your mind strives to make it so.

In addition to repeating this while getting ready in the morning (a great idea is to write it on a note card and stick it to your mirror for a reminder), go ahead and think or say the affirmation at other times during the day.

If you drive to work alone, you can repeat your positive affirmation out loud, and the people in the next car will just think you’re singing along to the radio.  If you have a few minutes at lunch but don’t want your cubicle mate to hear you talking to yourself, try closing your eyes and repeating the words silently in your head.

Daily Activities – Set Yourself Up for Success

Self confident people have several behaviors in common, and simply following their lead actually does a lot to boost your own confidence.

There is an adage that says, “Fake it ‘til you make it,” and that comes into play here.  Remember how I said that our minds often sabotage our success?

This is where it becomes most evident, because doing these things is often the hardest.  On the other hand, they also have a huge impact on building self confidence, so step out of your comfort zone for a while and try them out to see what happens.

1. Just as dressing nicely has an effect on how you feel, so too does your posture. Self confident people tend to stand straighter, with their shoulders back and their chins up.  If you’ve long been a “shrinking violet,” this behavior will feel somewhat unnatural at first.  As you practice, however, it will become second nature.  Not only will you feel more confident, but you will look the part, too, which affects how others perceive (and treat) you.
2. When going from one place to another, walk with purpose. Walking slowly, looking at the ground, and avoiding eye contact are all signals that a person isn’t self confident.  So, pick up the pace and look around you as you go.
3. If you need to attend a meeting or class, make a point to sit up front. Many of us avoid doing just this so that we can be overlooked.  The self confident person doesn’t need to be overlooked.  There are a couple of positive outcomes here.  First of all, you’ll learn more during the meeting or class.  Secondly, those in authority are more likely to recognize you and see you as a competent and interested person.
4. Remember that your thoughts and opinions will never be heard if you don’t speak your mind. If you have a good idea, make a point to speak up.  A good way to practice using your voice is to offer compliments to other people.  Not only are you voicing your opinion, but you are making them feel good about themselves.  Take this a step further by avoiding negative talk, such as gossip.  Sharing stories about others’ misfortune can sometimes make us feel momentarily better about ourselves, but in the long run, it tends to have a negative cumulative effect on our self esteem.

Calling It A Day – End with Gratitude

Just as you chose to start your day by reflecting on the things for which you are grateful, try to end your day the same way.  Many people find that they are able to learn a lot by reviewing their day before falling asleep, and it often allows them to get rid of any racing thoughts that would have kept them awake.  While looking back over your day, pick out several things that you appreciated.

What good things happened?

What great things did you do personally?

This allows you to end your day on a positive, self-confidence building note.

“The way to develop self-confidence is to do the thing you fear and get a record of successful experiences behind you. Destiny is not a matter of chance, it is a matter of choice; it is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved.” – William Jennings Bryan

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Posted on November 13, 2009