I struggled with a lack of motivation last week. I think it struck around Tuesday and lingered until Thursday afternoon or so.

I’m not exactly sure why (although I’m of the opinion that a combination of diet, exercise, stress, sleep, and a bunch of other factors will all play a part in how you feel). So there I was on Thursday afternoon looking at a big pile of work and wondering how I would possibly get it all done by the weekend (and regretting that I hadn’t been motivated earlier to do it).

Sometimes that happens to all of us. We just get into a sort of mental funk that keeps us from moving forward and taking action on the stuff that is important in life.

So when that happens, here are 5 ways that I get re-motivated:

Exercise or go for a brisk walk

Be careful not to use this as a procrastinating or delaying tactic. However, you can instead use it as a way to get the blood pumping. And in my case, I can sit in front of my computer and be unmotivated but as soon as I get some new scenery, I feel a lot better and can’t wait to get back to my desk.

Revisit your purpose, vision, goals

We all exist for a reason and we all have dreams that excite us. And there’s a very good chance that you are working to fulfill those dreams. So sometimes what you need to do is take a step back from the mundane “grind” of the workload and remember why you’re doing it in the first place.

Drink a bunch of water

I keep a 1 liter (or 1 quart for my American friends) water bottle in the fridge and when I get unmotivated, I try to drink it all at once. Okay, I realize that probably sounds crazy but there’s a point at about 3/4 of the way through the bottle when I start to feel so much better.

Set a timer for 10 minutes and do something

After being unmotivated for a while, it’s hard to pop the cork and get to work. A lack of motivation tends to lead to procrastination and fear of starting something. So I set a timer and do SOMETHING for 10 minutes. Often, it’s enough to just get things moving again.

Announce your goal

One of the best motivators is the threat of public shame. So when I really want to get something done (ESPECIALLY if I’m reluctant to do it or I’ve been unmotivated for a while), is to announce that you’re about to do it. Find a network in which you’re really connected (Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Google+, your blog, or a forum that you’re an active participant in) and announce your plan. You don’t have to admit that you’ve been unmotivated, just write something like: “I’m about to start on a report for my client”. Then look forward to finishing it and posting your successful completion.

In the past couple of blog posts, I talked about the importance of a mentor in a successful life and I talked about why you might need more than one mentor for your life.

Well, I guess it’s unofficially “mentor week” here at TheHappySelf because I’ve found myself writing about them again. Only this time, I’m taking a slightly different spin.

Not all mentors need to be face-to-face

Mentors are good to have and I firmly believe you need to meet with your mentors face-to-face (or at least over the phone) regularly. But I also recognize that we don’t all have the time or network to meet with mentors in all of the areas in our life that we want to grow.

So instead of finding a “face-to-face” mentor for every single area of your life, find a couple of mentors and work with them in some key areas…

BUT also…

… find a few people who you aspire to be like and learn as much as you can from them. You can do this for any public figure.

An example of an at-a-distance mentor

I’m going to use the example of stock market investing because it’s an area in life where I’ve actually used this method: I wanted to become successful in the stock market but I didn’t know anyone personally who was, plus I was already busy with another mentor and some other commitments in my life. So I went out and looked for an “at-a-distance” mentor who could give me some insight into investing even though we never met face to face. Warren Buffett turned out to have the kinds of ideas and skills and success that I aspired to have. So I constructed a mentorship program with his advice even though I never actually met him.

• I read everything I could get my hands on that was written about him
• I read everything I could get my hands on that was written by him
• I studied his successes (and failures)
• I learned that he followed a certain expert (Benjamin Graham) so I read THAT expert’s work, too.

After immersing myself in the mind and actions of Warren Buffett, I found it much easier to think and invest like him. Obviously I have not achieve the same level of success as he has (he’s about a thousand years older than I am!) but I am far more confident and successful in the stock market than I was… thanks to my at-a-distance mentoring relationship with Warren Buffett.

They’re more than just role models

I’ve heard some people call these mentors “role models” but for me, a role model doesn’t have the same impact on your life. I like to think of them as mentors… but just mentors I don’t get to meet in person.

Don’t think of this as an excuse to NOT have face-to-face mentors. However, adopt a multiple-mentor approach and get some face-to-face mentors and some at-a-distance mentors to improve your life!

The idea of improving your life through mentors is one of those things that has popped up in my life from time to time.

When I was in college, the students were encouraged to find mentor but I struggled with finding one and when I finally did, the relationship fell flat.

Mentorship reappeared on my radar in my first out-of-college job when we were assigned mentors. Frankly, I hated my mentor — he was not the person I aspired to be! The same thing happened in my second job as well.

Later, I joined a charitable organization that encouraged its members to find mentors and even then I couldn’t find someone who I wanted to aspire to be like.

I believe that being mentored is a huge opportunity and a “must-do” activity for anyone who wants to be successful in life. But I could not find a mentor to help me. Over coffee, I shared my frustration with a trusted friend. He pointed out the following piece of advice that changed my approach to mentorship. He said..

“You don’t have to find ONE mentor. Instead, pick several spheres of your life where you want to grow and find a mentor for each sphere.”

My friend pointed out that I could never aspire to be 100% like someone else. Instead, I had to choose what aspects of several peoples’ lives did I aspire to be like.

This was a transformational thought for me. It completely fixed what I felt was broken in the mentorship process. For example, there was one person I wanted to mentor me in the area of business but he lacked the relationship-building skills that I also wanted to be mentored in. So I found two mentors — a business mentor and a relationship-building mentor. Yes, it doubles the amount of time that I am being mentored but the results are well worth the investment.

Now it’s your turn

If there is one person you aspire to be like, great. Make them your mentor. But chances are, there’s no one who you aspire to be completely like. (We’re all unique!)

So instead of trying to find one mentor who you aspire to, identify several areas of your life where you’d like to grow. Then pick two or three of those areas and find mentors in them.

Last week over lunch, a friend and I were reflecting that it was too bad people only got to live life once. We then each shared a few ideas about what we would do differently if we had an opportunity to go back and start all over knowing what we know now.

Unfortunately, that’s not going to happen (well, unless you have a time machine or believe in reincarnation). However, we do have the next best thing:

Mentors

People who have walked the road before us can give us the insight and advice that we lack.

Mentors share with us what their opportunities and challenges were when they were at the same stage in life that we’re at now. They can illuminate the path because, let’s face it, life is full of foggy, confusing decisions and it’s not always easy to know what to do.

How to find a mentor

Start by figuring out what your own goals in life are. This might not seem like the most obvious place to start but it will help you to find the right mentor and it will help you and your mentor get a strong start.

Next, identify the people who you aspire to be like. Use your goals as a guideline — whose life reflects the accomplishment of the goals you have set out for yourself? Another way to find the right mentor is to think about whose life you envy. Although we should eradicate envy and jealousy from our lives, a little envy is a good guide to help you find the perfect mentor. Whose life do you envy? Whose job/business do you envy? Who has the healthy-living habits or the wealth-building habits or the relationship-growing habits that you envy?

Once you’ve found some potential mentors, approach them and ask. Just ask something as simple as, “hey, I’m looking for a mentor and I was wondering if you would spend an hour or two with me every month.” Don’t ask them for a huge commitment (although you’ll probably find that they will happily give more).

Then get started. Set up an initial meeting and share your goals and why you have chosen them to be your mentor. Ask for their help and insight to accomplish your goals. Ask lots of questions and LISTEN. Listen to what they have to say. At the end of your meeting, thank them and set up a meeting the next month.

Then, go out and put their advice in action. Don’t harass them but send them brief, periodic updates through the month to let them know what your progress is and to get some course correcting suggestions as you go.

By finding mentors and learning from them, we can have the best possible solution to the “if I knew then what I know now” problem.

The Bucket List

I think it’s important to have a list of things that we’d like to do or accomplish as we each journey through our individual lives. It helps keep us on track with some of the bigger, or even smaller things that we’d like to try at least once as we go through. Remember, we only go through life once, better to do it now rather than leave it till later.

It can also be a useful tool to show those people around you just what sort of a person you are, and what types of things you have an interest in. I wouldn’t be surprised if someone who see’s your list goes one step further and offers to help you with one of your goals.

(I was out driving with a friend one day, and as we drove by the Airport, I commented on a nice looking helicopter out front, I commented that I’d always wanted to fly in one, but never had as yet. Turns out his company needed him to rent one the following week to video an area they were going to be laying some pipe. He offered, I accepted, and the following week I spend two hours flying in the very helicopter I had commented on.

Scratched one more off my list!

I’ll share with you my own list in the hopes that it helps you to either create your own, or simply gives you a few things you’d like to add to your own.

My Bucket List

And I am continually on the lookout for new and exciting things to add to my list, so if you the reader would like to share your own “Bucket List” with us, I look forward to reading them!

Once again thank you all for reading TheHappySelf.com

Warren

A change in the world starts with you.

Will this New Year’s Day ring in the end of the worst decade ever?

That’s the claim made by Time Magazine, which recently featured an eye-catching cover of a crying baby in a party hat with the headline “Decade from Hell.”

According to Time, some of the worst events of the “worst decade ever” began with the disputed election of George W. Bush as President, which was followed by the 9/11 Terrorist attacks.  There were continuing military conflicts in Iraq and Afghanistan and a series of major natural disasters, including a tsunami in the South Pacific, Hurricane Katrina in the U.S. South, and major earthquakes in India and China.  As the decade ends, we have double digit unemployment and a global economic crisis.

Granted it was a tough decade, but hardly the worst ever.

Those who are familiar with history can think of rougher decades, such as the 1930s, which saw the Great Depression, or the 1940s, when World War II brought worldwide chaos.  The 1860s were another rough decade in the U.S. due to the Civil War.  And then there were the 1340s, when the Black Plague led to the deaths of almost half the population of Europe.  Viewing this past decade with respect to history puts things in perspective.  We’ve had a tough decade, but probably not the worst ever.

By focusing solely on the problems of the past decade, Time Magazine is engaging in the type of thinking that leads many people to anxiety and depression.

While the world’s problems can’t be ignored, focusing on the negative can foster a feeling of hopelessness.  No one person can change all the negative things that happen in the world.  It’s overwhelming to even think about them for too long.

The biggest thing that most people can do is create a sense of peace, harmony and well-being in their own lives.

Of course, it’s easier to maintain a sense of well-being when things are going well in life.  But the random nature of life means that no one is immune from hardship or misfortune at some point.  Being able to rise above adversity, think clearly and still see the beauty in the world are important survival skills.  When times are tough, a positive attitude can make the difference between facing up to a challenge and moving on, or becoming mired in doubt, uncertainty and confusion.

A relatively new branch of psychology known as positive psychology studies the traits of people who can rise above their problems and the problems of the world and lead happy and productive lives.  Two of the leading experts in this field, Christopher Peterson and Martin Seligman, recently edited a book called Character Strengths and Virtues: A Handbook and Classification. This book, known as the CSV handbook, is the first attempt to classify positive mental states of mind in a way similar to the classification that has been done for psychological problems and mental illness.

The CSV lists 24 key traits that are connected with a feeling of well-being and happiness.

The 24 traits are categorized as follows:

1. Wisdom and Knowledge: creativity, curiosity, a love of learning, open-mindedness and perspective.
2. Courage: bravery, perseverance, energy and honesty.
3. Justice: leadership, teamwork and fairness.
4. Humanity: the ability to love and be loved, kindness, and a social conscious.
5. Moderation: forgiveness, humility, discipline and self-control.
6. Connection to the larger universe: appreciation of beauty, hope, gratitude, humor, spirituality.

Based on surveys of thousands of people in different countries, these traits have been found to be universal.

Regardless of their culture, people who have strengths in some or all of these 24 areas are more resilient and enjoy more peace and harmony in their day-to-day lives.  The experts in positive psychology feel that these traits can be learned and can become part of one’s personality.  By developing these traits, it is possible to become happier and to feel more hopeful, regardless of negative events in one’s own life and in the world.

Peterson, Seligman and their colleagues have created a survey with 240 questions to help people identify their own strengths in terms of the 24 traits of happiness.  An awareness of one’s strengths can be used to identify activities that will lead to the greatest happiness.  For example, if you find that you are creative and love to be surrounded by beauty, you can seek a career that provides an outlet for these traits.

You can find this survey at the VIA (“Values in Action”) website at www.viacharacter.org.

Can positive psychology help us put the “decade from hell” behind us and approach the next decade with hope?  This is definitely the case.  These are some suggestions for cultivating a positive outlook:

• Make a commitment to being more creative and curious.  Commit to spending more time with family and friends who are positive influences.  Commit to learning new things and to remaining open-minded about new things.

• Challenge yourself to dream big and to overcome the fear of failure.  Tackle problem areas in your life with energy and enthusiasm.  Create a strategy for dealing with adversity.  Most of all, fight negative thinking and focus on the positive.

• Reach out to other people.  See yourself as an important part of a community, whether it be family, work, church or school.  Work to improve your community and take leadership whenever possible.  Find out how your particular talents can make a difference in the lives of other people.

• Look within. Set aside time for contemplation.  Seek out the beauty of nature.  Enjoy music, art or whatever is beautiful in your eyes.  Take care of your health and fitness.

Emphasizing a positive mindset does not ignore the fact that very bad things can happen in anyone’s life.  The randomness of life can is one of the hardest things about being human.  But developing the 24 traits of happiness provides the tools to conquer adversity and to stay strong in the face of catastrophe.

“Change your thoughts, and you change your world.”  Norman Vincent Peale

Give and Watch Your Soul Ignite

When asked to describe their ideal holiday season, most people don’t put shopping for gifts at the top of the list.

Instead, they list spending time with loved ones, having fun with friends, enjoying holiday food and taking some time away from work to relax.

Unfortunately, the reality is often something quite different.  The pressure to shop, spend money and entertain leaves many of us feeling both exhausted and tapped out.

According to a poll taken by the Center for the New American Dream, 75% of Americans would like to have a less materialistic Christmas or Hanukkah holiday.  More than 85% feel that the holiday season should focus on family and taking care of people in need rather than on shopping and giving gifts.  The survey also found that 4 out of 5 people wish for a simplified holiday season.

If the majority of Americans say they would like a simpler and less materialistic holiday season, why don’t they just make the change?

Unfortunately, many of us feel pressured to spend more than we can afford on gifts and entertaining.  It seems too hard to tell family and friends that we would like to cut back.  This doesn’t have to be as hard as it may seem.  In advance of the holidays, let everyone know that you’d like to start some new traditions, including spending less time shopping and more time enjoying the company of family and friends in the month of December.

By ramping down your holiday shopping and spending, you can create new, simpler holiday traditions that center around family celebrations and the rituals of the season.

One alternative to spending time shopping is to make homemade gifts.  You can do this with family and friends, which fits right in with the goal of spending more time together during the holiday season.

Instead of fighting the crowds at the stores or spending time on the computer shopping online, try some of these gift ideas:

• Homemade baked goods or home-canned fruits or vegetables.
• A personalized photo album or scrapbook.
• A book of favorite family recipes.
• A gift basket filled with inexpensive soaps and lotions.
• A houseplant in a decorated pot.
• A no-sew fleece blanket.

Besides handmade items, you can also give the gift of your time or service.  Create a gift certificate that promises that you will help someone with gardening or a home repair.  For parents, give the gift of some free babysitting.  If you have a special talent or skill, such as personal training or computer maintenance, give someone a session of your time.

You can also give experiences as gifts.  This is a great idea for children who already have many toys and video games.

Gifts of experience can include:

• A day spent at a museum or zoo.
• A picnic at a park.
• A camping trip.
• Tickets to a concert or play.
• An adventure like kayaking, whale watching, horseback riding or paint balling.

Perhaps one of the most significant changes you can make in your holiday traditions is to give more to those in need.

You can give money to charities in the name of friends in place of gifts.  Making charitable donations for the holidays is more important now than ever since non-profit organizations have reported that charitable donations are down in 2009.

You might consider giving the gift of TOMS shoes. The “One for One” concept behind TOMS shoes is that for each of pair of shoes sold, a pair is donated to a shoeless child living in one of the world’s poorest countries.  Entrepreneur Blake Mycoskie, a former contestant on The Amazing Race, became aware of poverty throughout the world while traveling for the show.  Although he and his sister missed winning the million dollar prize by four minutes, he was inspired to create a foundation that targets the problem of children without shoes.  The foundation has given away more than 150,000 pairs of canvas shoes and is targeting 300,000 pairs in 2009.  You can find out how to help at the TOMS shoes website.

Another way to give more during the holiday season is to spend less time shopping and find more time for volunteering in your local community. An infinite number of charity projects ranging from small to large can be completed in the holiday season.

Charity projects are great for families and groups of friends and co-workers.  Everyone comes together in a common spirit of giving.  When children are involved, they learn the how to express gratitude for the riches in their own lives by giving to others.  Families can create new holiday traditions that center around charitable acts.

Some of the simple acts of giving that are perfect for the holiday season include:

• Caroling at a nursing home or hospital.
• Preparing food baskets for the needy or gift boxes for the homeless.
• Cleaning up trash in a park or nature preserve.

If you’d like to take on a larger charity project that requires a commitment beyond the holiday season, there are sponsorship opportunities that allow you to connect on a more personal level with those in need.

An organization called Face-to-Face links families living in poverty with people who accept the responsibility of buying one week’s worth of groceries at the end of each month, which is the time when food banks run out of food.  Face-to-Face encourages families who are linked by this act of giving to write letters to each other and establish a personal connection.  The charity currently has 600 families across the country linked to each other by the bond of giving and receiving.

The international charity World Vision provides a variety of ways to help people in 100 countries around the world, including the U.S.  You can donate an animal to a family or sponsor a child on an ongoing basis.  The good thing about this type of contribution is that you can visualize the results of your donation.  To find other charity organizations, visit CharityNavigator.org or Guidestar.org.

Small or large, every charitable contribution is important.

What better way to celebrate the holiday season than to spend less on gifts this year for family and friends who already have so much, and give more to the needy of the world?

“You make a living by what you get, but you make a life by what you give.” Unknown

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Napoleon Hill reading his book 1937.

“Going solo” is a popular term that describes the decision to become an entrepreneur.

Striking out on one’s own has always been an attractive alternative for people who are dissatisfied with working for a large company.  In today’s economy, it has also become a survival strategy for people who are unemployed or for people who have a job but need extra income to cover the mortgage or pay the bills.

Everyone who goes solo wants success, but many people don’t have a clear vision of how to achieve it.

No one plans on failing when embarking on a solo career, and yet some do.  Besides luck and being in the right place at the right time, what are the factors that cause one person to succeed while another fails?

Knowledge is an important part of starting a business and passion is the fuel that keeps an entrepreneur going when times get tough.  But perhaps the most important component of success is daily attitude.  A positive and happy attitude will provide the inspiration, motivation and self-belief that are required to keep going when times are tough.  If you’d like to go solo or have recently made the leap, you need to remember that a positive attitude will allow you to rededicate yourself each day to your vision of success.

Reading about people who have succeeded is a great way to boost your attitude.

You can gain a better understanding of what success is and what it takes to achieve it by studying the lives of successful people.  This approach was first promoted by a journalist named Napoleon Hill.  Born in a one-room cabin in Virginia in 1883, Hill began his writing career when still a teenager as a reporter for a small town newspaper.

The turning point in Hill’s career came in 1908, when he was assigned to interview billionaire Andrew Carnegie, who was at that time was one of the richest and most powerful men in the world.  Carnegie explained to Hill a theory he had that success could be summed up by a simple formula that could be used by anyone.  The catch was that Carnegie couldn’t articulate this formula.  Instead, he suggested that Hill take on a project of interviewing 500 famous and successful men and women in an effort to define the formula for success that Carnegie believe existed.

Over the next 20 years, Hill interviewed most of the leading figures of his time, including Thomas Edison, Alexander Graham Bell and Henry Ford. He became an advisor to Presidents Woodrow Wilson and Franklin Roosevelt.  He eventually developed a “Philosophy of Achievement” that summarized the common traits and beliefs of successful people.  Hill became a founder of the genre of personal success writing with the publication of “Think and Grow Rich” in 1937.

This book stands as one of the best-selling books of all time. Download it here for free.

Hill’s philosophy resonates today because it was based on an examination of the universal mind-set of successful people.

These are 5 of the most important concepts of
Hill’s Philosophy of Achievement

• Achievement begins with purpose. Successful people work toward a definite goal.  “Decide what you want, find out how to get it, and then take daily action toward achieving your goal.”

• A positive mental attitude will attract what you desire. Focus on the things you want and avoid thinking about the negative.  “A positive Mental Attitude is the greatest of life’s riches…  It is through this attitude that anything worthwhile is achieved.”

• Enthusiasm is born from physical and mental energy. Healthy living and a healthy body are key components of enthusiasm.  “Enthusiasm is a state of mind.  It inspires action and is the most contagious of all emotions.”

• We can control our thoughts and actions through self-discipline and self-determination.  “Direct your thoughts, control your emotions and ordain your destiny!”

• Every defeat contains the seed of a greater benefit. Every problem has a solution that can be found.  “If you can look at problems as temporary setbacks and stepping-stones to success, you will come to believe that the only limitations you have are the ones in your own mind.”

Napoleon Hill is a good place to start in any study of success, but there’s no reason to read only Hill.  Just as an athlete continuously trains for an event, any person who has embarked on a solo career needs to constantly seek out new knowledge and understanding.

Make a list of your own mentors for success and then seek out information on how they achieved it.

In addition, you need to constantly increase your knowledge of the field of business where you want to succeed.  Personal development is a key factor to success as an entrepreneur.

As your knowledge increases, it’s important to set goals and take action.  This goes back to having a clear vision of how to succeed.  You begin with a vision and then create a plan.

As your knowledge and experience grow, your plan should become more detailed.  Each day you should accomplish something that moves you along the path to your goal of success.  It may be just a small step, but a positive mental attitude will help you see that your overall success may be built on a series of small steps.

Having a positive attitude can’t be dependent on circumstance.

Problems arise with friends, family and health, but your mental attitude can’t be affected.  Thinking that happiness will come with success or with some future event is like living underwater and holding your breath.

Decide that you will be happy today, and let happiness be the oxygen that gives you life.

“Whatever the mind can conceive and believe, the mind can achieve.” Napoleon Hill

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Luck may be around the next turn.

Do you have a dream that sometimes seems unattainable?

Do you feel discouraged because you haven’t succeeded in realizing your goals?

Do you ever consider giving up?

Being passionate about your goals isn’t the only determiner in whether they’ll come true.

Persevering in pursuit of a dream, no matter what the obstacles, can be just as important to success as passion and talent.  Without a dream and a plan to achieve it, even a person with great talent and intelligence can end up unfulfilled.  There are many stories of successful people who have had doors slammed in their face before things fell into place and their dreams were realized.

The 2008 documentary Anvil! The Story of Anvil tells the story of a heavy metal band that never really made it.  Despite being known and admired by other musicians, including Slash of Guns N’ Roses, this Canadian metal band never broke through to the big time.  Formed by two high school friends in the early 1970s, the band released a dozen or so albums in the 1980s and 1990s but failed to realize significant commercial success.

Forced to take other jobs to survive, they continued to tour and take whatever gigs they could get.  The movie follows them on one particularly dismal European tour where they play in small pubs and have to fight to be paid.

The film is notable not so much for showing what great undiscovered talent the band has, but for focusing on their determination to keep on trying to make it to the big time.

Their love of rock n’ roll wins out over all the humiliation they face as they play to near-empty auditoriums.  Through the years, they’re motivated by a belief that their big break is still to come.  The optimism of the band’s lead singer, Steve “Lips” Kudlow, is exemplified in this statement, “If you go through life thinking tomorrow is going to be a better day, it will be.”

It would be great to say that because of the documentary, Anvil has become an overnight sensation.  They have received a lot of attention, even appearing on Late Night with Conan O’Brien, but it remains to be seen whether the attention will translate into sales for their new CD.

Instead of receiving accolades as a great band, they are being recognized for their stubborn determination to follow their passion and pursue success over a period of several decades.

The documentary shines a light on Anvil’s pursuit of a dream purely for the love of it, despite the lack of fame and commercial success.

The flip side of the coin is the author J.K. Rowling. While writing the first volume of her Harry Potter series, she lived as a single mother on welfare and battled clinical depression and thoughts of suicide. Her manuscript was rejected by 12 publishers before it finally was accepted by a small publishing house in London.

Rowling was advised to find a day job, since her publisher thought she had little chance of supporting herself as an author.

However, within a year an American publisher paid $105,000 for U.S. publishing rights and shortly thereafter Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone was winning awards and moving to the top of the bestseller lists.

These stories illustrate two different outcomes to the pursuit of a dream.

The members of Anvil struggled for years and were finally rewarded with a different version of success than they probably first envisioned.  J.K. Rowling also struggled, but within a relatively short time was rewarded with success beyond anything she could have imagined.

The outcome of each story is determined in part by the random nature of success.  A stroke of luck can often make the difference between winning and losing when it comes to success.  J.K. Rowling was told many times that her book wasn’t publishable, but she persevered until luck came her way in the form of a willing publisher.  If you give up on your dreams, you’ll never know if a stroke of luck would have made the difference between success and failure.

What do Anvil and J.K. Rowling have in common?

They were passionate and they persevered in the pursuit of their dreams.

If you have a dream but are feeling discouraged about success and wondering if it’s time to abandon it, first try these mind-changing strategies:

• Follow your passion. A dream that’s related to something you are passionate about has a better chance of sustaining you through the struggle for success.  Are you passionate about your dream?  If not, maybe it’s time to rethink it.

• Prepare for the long haul. You have no way of knowing when your dream will come true, so prepare for a long journey on the road to success.  Only the very lucky few have J.K. Rowling’s good fortune and even she had to pursue her dream through several very difficult years.

• Focus on your dream. Many people probably share your dream, so you can’t expect to realize it without some focus and hard work.  Success requires planning, action and a steady focus.

• Celebrate small successes. Don’t downplay the small strokes of luck and success that come your way.  Each is a milestone on the road to your success.

One thing is certain – success most often comes to those who pursue a dream and don’t give up.

Unless you apply yourself and keep your goals in mind, you may not be paying attentions when luck comes your way.  However, nothing is guaranteed and you may find yourself after many years still on the road to success, with the realization of your dream still beyond your grasp.  Then it may be time to redefine your dream or to look at it from another angle.  To use Anvil as an example, after many years they came to be recognized more for their perseverance than for their music, but the success has been just as sweet.

“The road to success is always under construction.”
Lily Tomlin

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Step out of fear and into confidence.

Learning how to build self confidence is both simple and complicated at the same time.

It’s simple because there are some very easy exercises you can do and changes you can make to see an improvement in how you feel about yourself.   In fact, this article will offer you a step-by-step approach to your day that will help you do just that.

It’s complicated, however, because we hold so tightly to preconceived notions about ourselves that it can be difficult to let go of previous behaviors, even though we really do want to see results.

In short, our subconscious mind often works to sabotage our success.

The good news is that by simply realizing you want to make improvements to your self confidence, you’ve already taken a crucial step in overcoming some of the preexisting obstacles in your way.

For many people, there is no realization that they need to make changes; or they just believe that self confidence is something you’re born with, and there’s no use in trying to build it now.

While it does seem like some people are simply born with the gift of self confidence, most of us actually do have to work to overcome self doubts and low self esteem at various times during our lives.  Whether you’ve hit a slump or feel like you’ve always been a little behind when it comes to this trait, the way to see real change is to break old patterns.

What follows is a daily schedule for building self confidence. 

Each item on the list takes only a few extra minutes a day, and by adding them all up over the course of a few days, you may just surprise yourself with the difference you see.

Waking Up – Start with Gratitude

Each of us has many blessings in life, but when we lack self confidence, we often tend to see the negative far more clearly than the positive.  Giving gratitude a prominent place in your life can do wonders to improve your mood and your view of yourself.

A simple exercise is to take a few minutes of reflection each morning before getting out of bed. Spend a small amount of time breathing deeply while listing things for which you are grateful that day.  Do your best not to just list the same things every morning, as then this exercise becomes more a matter of memorization than actually thinking and appreciating.

One of the great things about practicing gratitude this way is that it automatically starts your day on a positive note.

Getting Ready for the Day – Dress Nicely

Have you ever noticed that when you get dressed up for a special event, you carry yourself a little differently?

A lot of this has to do with feeling good about how you look.  It may sound superficial, but these positive self images are internalized and can have a great effect on your attitude throughout the day.

The goal here isn’t to spend so much time on your appearance that you ignore other things or stress yourself out by running late; rather, it’s to create a sense of empowerment.  Instead of putting on those comfy pants with the elastic band that’s almost worn out, choose something a step or two above to wear for the day.  Take a little time in the bathroom to style your hair or put on a touch of makeup.

Because you feel good about yourself (not to mention that you look good) others will notice.  They’ll likely have a more positive response to you.  This feeds into your sense of self confidence, and the cycle can continue from there.

Going about Your Business – Create a Positive Affirmation

While you’re spending a little extra time in front of the mirror, you can increase the benefits by repeating a good positive affirmation.  The most powerful affirmations are phrases written in the present tense that define positive outcomes. For example, “I feel so good about myself that others feel good about me, too.”  Maybe this statement isn’t entirely true (yet), but by repeating it in the present tense, you train your mind to believe it is reality.  The result is that your mind strives to make it so.

In addition to repeating this while getting ready in the morning (a great idea is to write it on a note card and stick it to your mirror for a reminder), go ahead and think or say the affirmation at other times during the day.

If you drive to work alone, you can repeat your positive affirmation out loud, and the people in the next car will just think you’re singing along to the radio.  If you have a few minutes at lunch but don’t want your cubicle mate to hear you talking to yourself, try closing your eyes and repeating the words silently in your head.

Daily Activities – Set Yourself Up for Success

Self confident people have several behaviors in common, and simply following their lead actually does a lot to boost your own confidence.

There is an adage that says, “Fake it ‘til you make it,” and that comes into play here.  Remember how I said that our minds often sabotage our success?

This is where it becomes most evident, because doing these things is often the hardest.  On the other hand, they also have a huge impact on building self confidence, so step out of your comfort zone for a while and try them out to see what happens.

1. Just as dressing nicely has an effect on how you feel, so too does your posture. Self confident people tend to stand straighter, with their shoulders back and their chins up.  If you’ve long been a “shrinking violet,” this behavior will feel somewhat unnatural at first.  As you practice, however, it will become second nature.  Not only will you feel more confident, but you will look the part, too, which affects how others perceive (and treat) you.
2. When going from one place to another, walk with purpose. Walking slowly, looking at the ground, and avoiding eye contact are all signals that a person isn’t self confident.  So, pick up the pace and look around you as you go.
3. If you need to attend a meeting or class, make a point to sit up front. Many of us avoid doing just this so that we can be overlooked.  The self confident person doesn’t need to be overlooked.  There are a couple of positive outcomes here.  First of all, you’ll learn more during the meeting or class.  Secondly, those in authority are more likely to recognize you and see you as a competent and interested person.
4. Remember that your thoughts and opinions will never be heard if you don’t speak your mind. If you have a good idea, make a point to speak up.  A good way to practice using your voice is to offer compliments to other people.  Not only are you voicing your opinion, but you are making them feel good about themselves.  Take this a step further by avoiding negative talk, such as gossip.  Sharing stories about others’ misfortune can sometimes make us feel momentarily better about ourselves, but in the long run, it tends to have a negative cumulative effect on our self esteem.

Calling It A Day – End with Gratitude

Just as you chose to start your day by reflecting on the things for which you are grateful, try to end your day the same way.  Many people find that they are able to learn a lot by reviewing their day before falling asleep, and it often allows them to get rid of any racing thoughts that would have kept them awake.  While looking back over your day, pick out several things that you appreciated.

What good things happened?

What great things did you do personally?

This allows you to end your day on a positive, self-confidence building note.

“The way to develop self-confidence is to do the thing you fear and get a record of successful experiences behind you. Destiny is not a matter of chance, it is a matter of choice; it is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved.” – William Jennings Bryan

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