Several years ago, I knew someone who I thought was living a well-balanced, positive life. But then one day he had a meltdown. It was a shocking collapse and he ended up in the hospital. He’s fine today but it was not only scary at the moment, it was a huge shock to those of us who were caught by surprise from it.

We weren’t aware of his stress level and neither was he. Sure, he was getting frustrated by his life but he had no idea how bad it was until that one cataclysmic episode.

That’s probably true for most of us: Unless we’re practicing mindfulness every day, we aren’t truly aware of our stress level until it gets to a boiling point. And by then it’s too late.

But there is a solution, which I call “Stress Signals”…

A solution inspired by the stock market

In the stock market, investors use something called “indicators” to track stock prices. These indicators pay attention to trends, and they measure things like the price that stocks are bought for and the price that stocks are sold for (plus many other variables that influence upward or downward trends). Based on these signals, the information alerts the investor that it’s time to buy or sell more stock.

The same principle can be applied to our lives to help us address and reduce stress.

We may not always realize “Okay, I’m feeling stress right now” but there are lots of indicators in our lives that can signal the stress long before we have a meltdown.

What are the signals? I think they’re different for everyone but here’s a cross section of the signals that I think many of us might observe in ourselves:

• Hunger for junk food
• Road rage
• Frustration expressed through shouting at inanimate objects
• An increase in caffeine consumption
• Sleeplessness
• Restlessness
• Short-tempered with family and friends
• Impatient
• Teeth grinding at night
• Shortness of breath
• Dissatisfied with things that normally mean nothing to us (i.e. “There’s NOTHING on the radio today!” or “my spouse NEVER remembers to put the car keys back in the same place”)
• A desire to escape

Of course there are many more, and they are different for everyone. (And do you notice something else? These signals can also be catalysts for further stress! Our stress keeps us awake at night and then our fatigue compounds our stress level!)

How to use stress signals

First, figure out what YOUR stress signals are. Chances are, you may have recognized a few of them in the list above.

Next, choose 3 to 5 signals that show up consistently when you get stressed. You don’t have to pick more than that because those few will give you the same information as if you picked 7 or 10 signals. Also, make sure the signals you choose are easy to measure.

Then commit those signals to memory.

Simply the act of committing those signals to memory will help you to “set them” as indicators. As that particular signal starts to ping in your life, it will job your memory that it’s a stress signal.

But to further help you, take a couple of moments in your day to check your stress signals and rate them on a simple scale of 1 to 5. Perhaps do this once in the morning, once when you arrive home from work and once before bed at night. This simple 30-second exercise will keep you aware of your stress level so you can do something about it before it gets too bad.

It’s interesting to see how children live their lives. When we were kids, things were so different — WE were so different — and we lose something when we become adults.

One of the biggest things we lose is our fearlessness. And that’s a shame because it robs us from achieving our goals.

Kids trip and fall. They touch hot stoves. They stick their fingers in electrical sockets. They sound hilarious when they screw up a sentence. They get bumped and bruised and their ratio of mistakes-to-successes is quite high.

Along the way, though, they soak up information and learn and become functioning adults. Each of those failures is a piece of invaluable information that they store away for the future.

Then something happens to us when we become adults

We become grown-ups. And somewhere along the way, our perception of risk increases, as does the high value we place on negative consequences. We no longer want to take on the pain of constant, unrelenting failure. We know that any failure could cost us physical pain or, more likely, financial pain or social pain.

We become fearful of failure. Sure, sometimes we cast it aside and do something fun and crazy like sky-diving but when it comes to making mistakes in life — in relationships, in our jobs — we don’t dare rock the boat.

But what if we pushed aside our fear of failure?

What would happen if we re-adopted the fearlessness we once had as kids? What would happen?

We’d potentially hurt ourselves.
We’d potentially face risks that most people wouldn’t want to face.
We’d potentially piss off a bunch of people.

But we’d also succeed. We’d learn. We’d grow. We’d accomplish so much more.

What fears are holding you back from pursuing a dream you have? What would happen if you pushed those fears aside?

Today I was sitting and contemplating the things in life that make me happy, and I realized that if it weren’t for the fact that I love the work I do, I’d most likely be spending the majority of my time doing things that were tedious and time consuming at best.

Things like driving my wife to and from work, grocery shopping, running errands, and paying bills aren’t on my list of absolute joys in life, and are more of a chore (except driving my wife of course J).

Items like working out, going for hikes, or watching movies with my wife however are on that list!

So why don’t we spend more of our time doing the things we love rather than the nessecities of life that seem to keep up occupied, or preoccupied even when we should be relaxing and enjoying ourselves?

For most of us it’s a simple matter of life getting in the way. What most of us don’t realize, or forget from time to time is that striking a balance between being productive and being happy will often lend itself to an abundance of both. When everything in my life is going well I’m definitely more happy, and I’m also way more creative and productive at work as well.

A single great moment can make a day just as easily as a single bad one can ruin it if we let it. Likewise if we don’t capitalize on our days off and do a little more than sleep in, watch TV, and go for a beer there’s a good chance we’ll subconsciously feel cheated when Monday rolls around and we’re faced with another work week ahead.

The first step in doing the things you love is actually having a clear idea of what those things are. For some people a list of things pop into mind immediately while for others it might not be quite as clear. I fall somewhere in the middle and seem to come up with a different list depending on the day/month/year and my interests at that particular point in time.

I think when you’re able to incorporate the things that make you the happiest into your daily routine you’ll find things going better for you in general. Things like your spouse, children, your work, etc. Since we typically spend so much time in and around these it’s important we actually enjoy being there.

It can be hard to leave an unhappy relationship or job, but in the long run its probably the best thing for all involved.

If spending time with friends and family made it onto your list perhaps setting up a coffee date for the middle of the week might be the needed break you need, or simply walking your kids to school and chatting along the way about what’s important in their young lives.

Life is short enough without spending it doing things we don’t truly enjoy, and at the end of the day it really is up to you how you spend it!

Flowers

Turning up with a beautiful bouquet of flowers for your partner may seem unoriginal or even suspicious behaviour however all evidence suggests that it actually works. Research has shown that men and women respond with genuinely positive emotions when given flowers and this lift in mood can for last up to three days later. Flowers, especially roses, are often represented as a symbol of romance and passion and with science backing you up there is no better way to inject romance into your relationship.

Spontaneity

Some of greatest love scenes have been based around impulsive and spontaneous actions to gain the attention of a deeply desired loved one.  Romeo appearing beneath Juliet’s balcony is perhaps the most notable spontaneous love scene in history and there is no reason why you can’t apply the same sense of adventure to your own relationship. Break out of the routine once in a while, bring home an unexpected surprise or take a risk and be honest with someone you would like to get to know. History has shown that spontaneous displays of affection can pay off.

Keep Kissing

The first kiss is most definitely an exciting, romantic moment. According to a recent article in the Scientific American by Chip Walter, kissing provides us with important evolutionary information. Walter says that, “Scent, tactile information and compatibility of kissing style may tap into underlying and unconscious mechanisms that enable people to make determinations about the degree to which they are genetically compatible”. Kissing is like collecting data to determine if the potential partner holds the appropriate genetic material to produce healthy offspring.

It is nice to know that the wisdom of evolution has guided you into your partnership and a lovely way to keep romance alive is to keep on kissing. And always remember that first kiss.

Date Night

If you are in a long term relationship or marriage then chances are there are a number of important things coming between you and your partner. Caring for children and work responsibility obviously may be priorities but don’t let everything take precedence over your relationship. Spending time together without interruptions increases intimacy and is a good way to keep romance alive.

Intimacy

Intimacy is often thought of as a sexual thing however it is actually about sharing yourself with your partner and is not purely physical.  In psychological terms, intimacy refers to feeling safe enough to share private thoughts, feelings and history with your partner and trusting them with this information. It must be a two way street, both individuals need to feel the same sense of safety and trust and reveal themselves equally. Even if revealing yourself is simply stating that you are not ready to talk about certain events, feelings or thoughts. For intimacy to develop it needs regular practice and transparency from both individuals.

Positive Focus

Sometimes after the honeymoon period of a relationship has passed the things that you liked about your partner become over shadowed by the things that irritate or disappoint you. Remember, there was a time when you were blissfully unaware of these issues or you may have even thought they were charming. A simple exercise is to make a list of the things that you like about your partner and then tell them. This may lead to a shift in dynamic that allows you both to re-connect on an intimate level.

Time Out

‘Never go to bed angry’ is a common relationship tip. However dealing with the demands of modern life makes this saying sound utterly impractical and impossible. To resolve disagreements, arguments or issues that have dredged up painful feelings or memories can take years of work. The thought of sorting it out before bedtime and still getting enough sleep to face the day is laughable.

However there is a practical way to apply the saying.  Arguments between couples can disrupt every aspect of life including work, relationships and physical health. They can also suck all the romance out of the relationship. If an argument or issue seems to be un-resolvable a physical or verbal time out can be healthy.

A happy baby will mean happier parents. This is particularly important for mothers who may easily slip into post-natal depression after giving birth. The first year can be very trying for the most positive of people. There will be great changes in your lifestyle, and you may often feel alone. In this article, we look at some simple ways you can contribute to the happiness of your baby, from the right children’s clothing to being positive yourself.

• Staying Connected. All babies crave attention. Breast-feeding is not only good for a baby’s physical health, it is a way they can connect with their mothers on an emotional level. There are so many benefits from breast-feeding, including the fact that mothers who breast feed have less chance of slipping into post-natal depression. A baby massage is a great way to care for your baby, and it can be interpreted as love.

• Clothing. We must remember that babies are not used to clothing, and so clothing that breathes, and allows them to move freely is always the best. It is important to check the label before you purchase. Man-made fibres can be uncomfortable, even if expensive.

• Don’t Forget Your Well Being. Keeping yourself happy will influence your baby’s well being. The happier you are, the happier your baby will be. You might need some free time, or do the things you love. Care for your needs just as much as your baby’s.

• Active. Babies are just like us adults, they need to be kept active. Could you imagine just sitting around all day? The more active a baby is, the better it will sleep. Being active also means mental stimulation. A baby needs all of these things.

• Point Of View. It is important to understand that each child is different. Just because we have a high maintenance baby compared to a friend’s baby, it doesn’t mean we are a bad parent. Understand your child is a little human, with an individual personality and special traits. Try to see your baby’s point of view in any given situation. They are only trying to communicate something to you.

• Foster Good Sleeping and Eating Habits. A baby will not live by your rules, nor will they do things when you expect them to. Pay attention to the times they most want to sleep and eat, and try to recreate these situations to encourage more sleeping and eating. Sleeping and eating means your child is healthier and growing well. Fresh and natural foods are always good for your baby once they have started to eat ‘table’ foods. Make sure your baby is only eating what is right. All too often we start a child’s life off with many of the bad foods we all eat. At such an important time of their life, sweet and other fatty foods just have to be avoided. This should set up positive patterns for their future.

Day in and day out you see certain people who just seem a little bit happier, living lives that are just a little more fulfilling and rewarding. Ask yourself if this is by design, chance, or accident. Some of the happiest people I know have made a conscious choice to be happy, and work toward it like any other goal that they choose to set for themselves.

If you truly wish to be happy, it’s important to know just what it is that makes you that way so that you can incorporate more of the same into your daily life. I’d start out by  making a list of all the things you can think of that make you happy, these can be simple little things like smells, or flavors, or perhaps certain activities, or people, maybe even certain types of people, such as highly motivated people, or entrepreneurs.

No matter what it is that you feel is important to add into your list, it’s a good idea to try and incorporate some of these things into your daily routine so that you are regularly experiencing them, keeping you feeling alive and refreshed. You might even want to explore some of the things that make other people happy, perhaps expand your horizons to include a new sport or activity.

Being happy is a choice much of the time. I admit there are occasions when happiness is unattainable due to certain circumstances, but for the most part we get to choose one way or the other. I suggest you choose upon waking to have a great day, a happy day. Start off by eating your favorite healthy breakfast, perhaps wake up early enough to enjoy the newspaper or to write a blog post, or go for a run before heading off to work. Try to incorporate some you time at the beginning of your day so that you set the mood for the hours to come.

For some people accomplishment is what makes them happy, try to list out all the things you’d like to accomplish in both your personal, as well as professional day. Cross them off your list as you accomplish them. It won’t take long before you are surprising even yourself with how much you can get done in a day, if you simply focus on the next task at hand rather than how overwhelming the entire list is. Bite it off one chunk at a time.

Make the most of your lunch hour, don’t just do the same old routine day in and day out, take a colleague for lunch, go for a walk downtown and eat on the go, or in a park you don’t normally visit. Many of us get into our routines, and while we like our routines, and find them to be safe, they often times limit our experiences. Instead of going to the same old coffee shop, try something new today; you might just be surprised at the new experiences you stumble across.

• you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them. 
• no matter how much I care, some people just don’t care back. 
• it takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it. 
• it’s not what you have in your life, but who you have in your life that counts. 
• you can do something in an instant that will give you a heartache for life. 
• no matter how thin you slice it, there are always two sides. 
• you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them. 
• we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel. 
• there are people who love you dearly, but just don’t know how to show it. 
• true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love. 
• just because someone doesnt love you the way you want them to, doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all they have. 
• maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you’ve had and what you’ve learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you’ve celebrated. 
• no matter how good a friend someone is, they’re going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that. 
• no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn’t stop for your grief. 
• just because two people argue, it doesn’t mean they don’t love each other.And just because they don’t argue, it doesn’t mean they do. 
• we don’t have to change friends if we understand that friends change. 
• you shouldn’t be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever. 
• there are many ways of falling and staying in love. 
• no matter how many friends you have, if you are their pillar, you will feel lonely and lost at the times you need them most. 
• the people you care most about in life are taken from you to soon. 
• although the word “love” can have many different meanings, it loses value when overly used. 
• love is not for me to keep, but to pass on to the next person I see. 
• there are people who love you dearly but just don’t know how to show it. 
• even when I have pains, I don’t have to be one. 
• every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love that human touch-holding hands, a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back. 
• I still have a lot to learn……

They really are contagious.

A smile is one of the strongest, yet silent forms of communication and expression.

A smile is something priceless and means different things for everyone. The most common is the positive reactions it causes. We are beings that’s thrive in positive energy. We spark to life, our day brightens. A smile can stop tears, stop a frown, ease ones pain, shed light on sorrow, make you blush, even fill one with excitement. The things a smile can do are truly limitless. Every ones smile can cause such different positive reactions in so many different people. The simple greatness of a smile is truly remarkable. It’s true… some of the best things in life are free, yet priceless.

A smile can not only make you look more cheerful and positive. It can also make you feel better, happier, more optimistic and confident about life in general. That’s not to say that people who are smiling on the outside are never feeling down, despondent and blue on the inside. But it can help raise your spirits by a few degrees at least. If it then leads to some friendly conversation with another human being, then the personal benefits are multiplied.

A smile can be like the sun breaking through the clouds on a dismal day. It can restore a person’s faith in their own value and the bigger picture of their world. A smile can make them feel that things might even be getting better.   Enough smiles may give them the incentive to do something even more positive that could potentially improve their outlook on life considerably.

It may sometimes take some effort to overcome your own glum mood enough to lift the corners of your mouth and smile – with your heart in it. Nevertheless, it’s so true that smiling costs the giver nothing they don’t have hidden somewhere within. Once accessed it can be automatically regenerated time and again, radiating warmth throughout your own soul and flowing out in all directions to touch and warm the souls of others. It’s one of the most powerful, magical – and totally free – therapies in the world.

Everyone smiles in the same language.

So put on a happy face!

Does anyone have a story they’d like to share about a smile they once received or gave to another, let’s all try to all put a smile on each other’s faces.  I know I’d love to hear them, and share them with others.

Here is mine:

Awhile back ago I went to a seminar on Michael Bernard Beckwiths “Spiritual Liberation” alone (something which I would normally never do, going alone that is).  During the seminar we all had to do an exercise together, we all had to stand and take each other’s hand of the person to our right, over to the right of me, was a beautiful young girl, but she was born without half of her left arm, as we both looked at each other and she said to me “sorry” I couldn’t believe she had just apologized to me for not having a hand to hold.  We both laughed as I put my arm around her and we carried on together, when we both looked at each other with hesitation and discomfort I’m sure (at first), but when we both laughed and exchanged smiles, that I can truly say for myself that was one of the best smiles given and received for me, and still makes me smile to this day just thinking about it, she truly was an amazing person I met that night.

Daya.

The pursuit of happiness is sometimes easier said than done.  

Some scientists have argued that happiness is largely determined by genetics, health and other factors mostly outside of our control. But recent research suggests people actually can take charge of their own happiness and boost it through certain practices.

“The billion-dollar question is, is it possible to become happier?” said psychologist Sonja Lyubomirsky of the University of California, Riverside. “Despite the finding that happiness is partially genetically determined, and despite the finding that life situations have a smaller influence on our happiness than we think they do, we argue that still a large portion of happiness is in our power to change.”

Lyubomirsky spoke here Saturday at the annual meeting of the American Association for the Advancement of Science. She and colleagues last year reviewed 51 studies that tested attempts to increase happiness through different types of positive thinking, and found that these practices can significantly enhance well-being. The results were published in the Journal of Clinical Psychology.

Here are five things that research has shown can improve happiness:

1. Be grateful — Some study participants were asked to write letters of gratitude to people who had helped them in some way. The study found that these people reported a lasting increase in happiness – over weeks and even months – after implementing the habit. What’s even more surprising: Sending the letter is not necessary. Even when people wrote letters but never delivered them to the addressee, they still reported feeling better afterward.
2. Be optimistic — Another practice that seems to help is optimistic thinking. Study participants were asked to visualize an ideal future – for example, living with a loving and supportive partner, or finding a job that was fulfilling — and describe the image in a journal entry. After doing this for a few weeks, these people too reported increased feelings of well-being
3. Count your blessings — People who practice writing down three good things that have happened to them every week show significant boosts in happiness, studies have found. It seems the act of focusing on the positive helps people remember reasons to be glad.
4. Use your strengths — Another study asked people to identify their greatest strengths, and then to try to use these strengths in new ways. For example, someone who says they have a good sense of humor could try telling jokes to lighten up business meetings or cheer up sad friends. This habit, too, seems to heighten happiness.
5. Commit acts of kindness — It turns out helping others also helps ourselves. People who donate time or money to charity, or who altruistically assist people in need, report improvements in their own happiness.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/35527612/ns/health-behavior/

The word “inspiration” comes from the same root as “respiration.” To inspire has a number of definitions related to breathing, creativity, influence and aliveness. What we are all seeking is inspiration – to feel alive, energized, engaged in meaningful creative activity.
What Inspires You?
Inspiration I believe comes from something you love to do “passion.”
So why do so many of us do what we don’t love?
If you feel like you have no inspiration in your life, ask yourself, are you doing something that you love, something that will give you inspiration each and every day, and if you’re not, how do you start your creative juices flowing.

Inspiration:

1. Inspiration can come in the smallest form, in the most obvious places (places you’ve been, things you’ve seen, looking through old photos, your favourite song).

2. Connecting with other people with the same interests, passions and beliefs can also work to inspire one another.

3. Taking yourself back to a moment that inspired you in the past, what motivated you then, use it to help inspire you now.

4. Inspiration comes when you are open minded, being perceptive to new ideas ( being around new friends, new places of interest or just watching a movie you thought you would never watch before).

5. Solitude is also a place where we can find time for reflection and deep thinking.

Creativity:

1. Creativity comes from making something out of nothing, so the possibilities are seemingly endless, so what are your new ideas or concepts for your work, being creative in new and unique ways means finding new solutions to old problems and being imaginative to both old and new ones.

2. Start writing all your ideas down, carry a small notebook and pen around with you at all times so you can jot them all down, now remember not all your ideas will be great, but writing them all down lets you pick and choose and none will be forgotten.

3. Read as much as you can about everything possible, this will get your brain exercising and allow you to start making creative connections (brain storming).

4. Don’t delay, create your work you have in mind right now, don’t postpone it, there may not be a later time or you may not be able to go back to what you feel today, tomorrow.

Vision:

1. How clear is your vision? This defines how successful you will be in conveying your vision to others, it’s not just creating an idea but creating a story to the idea and sharing your ideas with an audience.
2. Think of all the things possible that might be possible in a given time frame.
3. Suggest as many ideas as you can, don’t try to please others, just please yourself.
4. Edit the list to what you are willing to commit to and where you want to go with it.
5. Create a step by step action plan. This will describe every step you take, how long each step will take and what should be achieved, you can better develop a cast iron action plan that increases the likeliness that your idea will be implemented effectively. And that is what turns a creative idea into an innovation.

Style:

1. A personal style is primarily achieved through your work. This work consists of developing the vision you obtained by following your inspiration and expressing your creativity.

2. You cannot force personal style into being because in many ways style finds us more than we find it. What you can do is work as hard as you can at expressing your vision.

3. A personal style is the expression of your vision. It is also the expression of your personal taste, of your personal choices. It should also be remembered that achieving a style is a journey more than a destination and that the most important asset during this journey is your willingness to work as hard as you can at developing your own style.

4. In order to develop a style you must do something different from what others have done before you. This means that you must take a chance or take a risk. Nothing-risked means nothing gained. You must attempt to go beyond what others have done so far, attempt to push the boundaries, or attempt to do something new. Do something that others did not think you would do. In other words, one has to try and see.

Daya.

“Don’t ask yourself what the world needs; ask yourself what makes you come alive. And then go and do that. Because what the world needs are people who have come alive.”

Howard Thurman