Reduce stress with Stress Signals
Several years ago, I knew someone who I thought was living a well-balanced, positive life. But then one day he had a meltdown. It was a shocking collapse and he ended up in the hospital. He’s fine today but it was not only scary at the moment, it was a huge shock to those of us who were caught by surprise from it.
We weren’t aware of his stress level and neither was he. Sure, he was getting frustrated by his life but he had no idea how bad it was until that one cataclysmic episode.
That’s probably true for most of us: Unless we’re practicing mindfulness every day, we aren’t truly aware of our stress level until it gets to a boiling point. And by then it’s too late.
But there is a solution, which I call “Stress Signals”…
A solution inspired by the stock market
In the stock market, investors use something called “indicators” to track stock prices. These indicators pay attention to trends, and they measure things like the price that stocks are bought for and the price that stocks are sold for (plus many other variables that influence upward or downward trends). Based on these signals, the information alerts the investor that it’s time to buy or sell more stock.
The same principle can be applied to our lives to help us address and reduce stress.
We may not always realize “Okay, I’m feeling stress right now” but there are lots of indicators in our lives that can signal the stress long before we have a meltdown.
What are the signals? I think they’re different for everyone but here’s a cross section of the signals that I think many of us might observe in ourselves:
- Hunger for junk food
- Road rage
- Frustration expressed through shouting at inanimate objects
- An increase in caffeine consumption
- Sleeplessness
- Restlessness
- Short-tempered with family and friends
- Impatient
- Teeth grinding at night
- Shortness of breath
- Dissatisfied with things that normally mean nothing to us (i.e. “There’s NOTHING on the radio today!” or “my spouse NEVER remembers to put the car keys back in the same place”)
- A desire to escape
Of course there are many more, and they are different for everyone. (And do you notice something else? These signals can also be catalysts for further stress! Our stress keeps us awake at night and then our fatigue compounds our stress level!)
How to use stress signals
First, figure out what YOUR stress signals are. Chances are, you may have recognized a few of them in the list above.
Next, choose 3 to 5 signals that show up consistently when you get stressed. You don’t have to pick more than that because those few will give you the same information as if you picked 7 or 10 signals. Also, make sure the signals you choose are easy to measure.
Then commit those signals to memory.
Simply the act of committing those signals to memory will help you to “set them” as indicators. As that particular signal starts to ping in your life, it will job your memory that it’s a stress signal.
But to further help you, take a couple of moments in your day to check your stress signals and rate them on a simple scale of 1 to 5. Perhaps do this once in the morning, once when you arrive home from work and once before bed at night. This simple 30-second exercise will keep you aware of your stress level so you can do something about it before it gets too bad.
The most important life lesson we can learn from children
It’s interesting to see how children live their lives. When we were kids, things were so different — WE were so different — and we lose something when we become adults.
One of the biggest things we lose is our fearlessness. And that’s a shame because it robs us from achieving our goals.
Kids trip and fall. They touch hot stoves. They stick their fingers in electrical sockets. They sound hilarious when they screw up a sentence. They get bumped and bruised and their ratio of mistakes-to-successes is quite high.
Along the way, though, they soak up information and learn and become functioning adults. Each of those failures is a piece of invaluable information that they store away for the future.
Then something happens to us when we become adults
We become grown-ups. And somewhere along the way, our perception of risk increases, as does the high value we place on negative consequences. We no longer want to take on the pain of constant, unrelenting failure. We know that any failure could cost us physical pain or, more likely, financial pain or social pain.
We become fearful of failure. Sure, sometimes we cast it aside and do something fun and crazy like sky-diving but when it comes to making mistakes in life — in relationships, in our jobs — we don’t dare rock the boat.
But what if we pushed aside our fear of failure?
What would happen if we re-adopted the fearlessness we once had as kids? What would happen?
We’d potentially hurt ourselves.
We’d potentially face risks that most people wouldn’t want to face.
We’d potentially piss off a bunch of people.
But we’d also succeed. We’d learn. We’d grow. We’d accomplish so much more.
What fears are holding you back from pursuing a dream you have? What would happen if you pushed those fears aside?
What makes you Happy?
Today I was sitting and contemplating the things in life that make me happy, and I realized that if it weren’t for the fact that I love the work I do, I’d most likely be spending the majority of my time doing things that were tedious and time consuming at best.
Things like driving my wife to and from work, grocery shopping, running errands, and paying bills aren’t on my list of absolute joys in life, and are more of a chore (except driving my wife of course J).
Items like working out, going for hikes, or watching movies with my wife however are on that list!
So why don’t we spend more of our time doing the things we love rather than the nessecities of life that seem to keep up occupied, or preoccupied even when we should be relaxing and enjoying ourselves?
For most of us it’s a simple matter of life getting in the way. What most of us don’t realize, or forget from time to time is that striking a balance between being productive and being happy will often lend itself to an abundance of both. When everything in my life is going well I’m definitely more happy, and I’m also way more creative and productive at work as well.
A single great moment can make a day just as easily as a single bad one can ruin it if we let it. Likewise if we don’t capitalize on our days off and do a little more than sleep in, watch TV, and go for a beer there’s a good chance we’ll subconsciously feel cheated when Monday rolls around and we’re faced with another work week ahead.
The first step in doing the things you love is actually having a clear idea of what those things are. For some people a list of things pop into mind immediately while for others it might not be quite as clear. I fall somewhere in the middle and seem to come up with a different list depending on the day/month/year and my interests at that particular point in time.
I think when you’re able to incorporate the things that make you the happiest into your daily routine you’ll find things going better for you in general. Things like your spouse, children, your work, etc. Since we typically spend so much time in and around these it’s important we actually enjoy being there.
It can be hard to leave an unhappy relationship or job, but in the long run its probably the best thing for all involved.
If spending time with friends and family made it onto your list perhaps setting up a coffee date for the middle of the week might be the needed break you need, or simply walking your kids to school and chatting along the way about what’s important in their young lives.
Life is short enough without spending it doing things we don’t truly enjoy, and at the end of the day it really is up to you how you spend it!
