12 Quick Ways to Build Self Esteem
Post written by Dayne. Follow him on Twitter.
18 Happy Comments
Unleash your inner self esteem.
Self esteem is a tricky subject.
We often talk about how to instill self esteem in children, or whether someone we know has too little (or too much) self esteem. But, we rarely evaluate our own levels.
Perhaps it’s because we’re afraid of what we’ll find.
If you stop to do a personal inventory, you may find that you lack the confidence you should have in yourself. Of course, there are an unlimited number of factors that have gone into the development of your self esteem, dating all the way back to childhood. That doesn’t mean, however, that you can’t improve your own feelings of self worth.
After all, it’s hard for others to have confidence in us if we don’t first have it in ourselves.
Implementing these tactics in your daily life really can have a cumulative effect that will have you feeling more confidence.
- Set goals for yourself. It’s impossible to get anywhere if you don’t first know where you’re trying to go. By setting goals for daily life, you are far more likely to get what you want. As you reach these goals, your belief in your own abilities will grow, as will your list of personal successes. Talk about a self-esteem booster!
- Acknowledge your own strengths. It’s not uncommon to get so caught up in the things we want to improve about ourselves that we simply forget about all of the great things that make us special. Create a list of the things that you are good at and let yourself feel pride over your accomplishments. Are you a great listener? Do you have a good work ethic? Do you keep your car clean? Some of these things may seem small, but when you have a list of good qualities staring you in the face, it’s a lot easier to feel good about yourself.
- Avoid negativity. Many people spew negativity as a way to bolster their own lacking self esteem. By avoiding others who do this, you will refrain from taking that negativity into your own life. In addition, there is something empowering about “taking the high road.” A great example of this comes from Don Miguel Ruiz’s book The Four Agreements. The first agreement is to “be impeccable with your word,” which means to speak the truth and avoid things like gossip and negativity.
- Get a makeover. While self esteem certainly shouldn’t be dependent upon looks or clothing, these things can be an influence. Sometimes something as simple as a new hairstyle or an updated wardrobe can be the impetus to feeling better about yourself.
- Project confidence. Low self esteem can perpetuate itself, and one of the best ways to break the cycle is to remove outward signs of it. When you meet with someone, offer a firm handshake, look him or her in the eye, and make yourself heard. These things can all be difficult at first, because they take you out of your comfort zone, but as you recognize that others are treating you differently, you’ll begin to feel different.
- Give yourself a break. If you were dealing with a young child, you would give him or her a lot of leeway and would offer guidance and support to develop self esteem. You deserve the same compassion. Everyone makes mistakes, so allow them to be learning experiences and move forward.
- Check your posture. Just for a moment, lift your chin, push your shoulders back, and walk across the room. Our emotions are connected to our physical bodies, and simply changing your posture can have a surprising effect on how you feel.
- Smile. Again, our physical bodies can have a major effect on our emotions. Start by spending five minutes smiling for no good reason at all. It may feel a little odd at first, but you will find that by the end of the five minutes, your mood will have lifted, and you will be smiling for real.
- Forget perfection. Striving to do your best is certainly a positive trait, but striving for perfection is setting yourself up for failure. For most of us, our best will never be “perfect,” and there’s nothing wrong with that. Instead, focus on giving your all, and you’ll be better able to enjoy the outcome instead of kicking yourself for not having attained the unattainable.
- Be grateful. Much has been said about the power of the “gratitude journal.” Start a notebook or create a file that you use simply to write down the things in your life for which you are grateful. They can be big things like health and family, or small things like fresh-squeezed orange juice with breakfast. The idea is to start recognizing the positive things in your life in order to reshape how you think about yourself.
- Impress yourself. Think of something that you admire someone else for doing, and then do it yourself. There are endless possibilities, of course, from taking a class to reading a certain book to doing volunteer work and beyond. Choose something that will cause you to “stretch” yourself a little bit but that isn’t impossible so that you will be sure to experience the feeling that comes with success.
- Accept compliments. As you implement these ideas, it’s likely that people will notice and remark. Getting a makeover, for example, is sure to elicit compliments from friends and coworkers. Rather than just brushing these kinds words off, embrace them. Smile and say “thank you.” As you learn to accept compliments, you will realize that you are worthy of them.
Self esteem is not something that can be granted overnight, but there are many small steps that you can take quickly and easily to get you on the path to feeling more confident. In most cases, building self esteem is a case of replacing negative images with positive ones, and each of the suggestions here helps you to do that in a small way. When you add them together, however, you have the opportunity to change your outlook and your life.
Just remember this: “I CAN is 100 times more important than IQ”
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How do YOU not only build your self esteem, but maintain it?
I want to hear your thoughts.
Posted on September 10, 2009
I try not to be any less kind to myself than I am to others. Not always an easy policy to follow, but worth the effort.
Barb McMahon´s last blog ..How to Avoid Disappointment
Accepting compliments is my favorite because it doesn’t show that I am conceded. On the contrary, it shows that you care about yourself and belief your are enough in this world… abundance!
I’d secretly add #13:
Interact with others with the same goals that support you and help you get to where you want to be. VERY IMPORTANT!
Pete | The Tango Notebook´s last blog ..The Reasons Why Tango Fascinates You
Barb – Welcome and thanks for your comment. I agree with you, if you can be just as kind to yourself as you are to others, it is well worth the effort and can really have a positive effect on self esteem.
Pete – Love the idea of interacting with like minded people with the same goals and objectives, and most of all…ones that are supportive and help push you to where you want to be. Good point!
Awesome post, Dayne! All of these tips are excellent for building self esteem. Thanks for sharing this great advice.
Positively Present´s last blog ..the best ways to organize your living space (and your life)
Great post, Dayne! It’s so amazing and true how making just the smallest of changes can really improve the way you feel about yourself. Even something as simple as a haircut can really change your life! In fact Robin and I actually tell one such story in the first chapter of our book (you can read it for free on our website here: http://bit.ly/2e23m). Never underestimate the enormous power each of us has within to change our lives for the better, one step at a time.
Dani (Positively Present) – Thank you for the compliment and for commenting here. I’m really glad you liked this post! Have a great one Dani!
Linda – You are so right, the smallest of things can make the biggest differences in our self esteem. I know the focus on “small” is right up your alley (your fine books are an example of that). Thank you so much for visiting and commenting.
I think this is a very good post and important topic. We have to be honest with ourselves and really analyze whether or not we are lacking self esteem. Our problems with low self esteem can be subtle and we can convince ourselves that it really is not our issue. However, we really need to step back and determine if this is our issue and if it is do things, as you suggested, to increase our self esteem. Self esteem is literally connected to everything we are trying to do in life and in many ways is a prerequisite to our success. Really liked this one…As always, a great post.
alternaview´s last blog ..There is no need to worry about the future
Heya Dayne!
Great article, I love how you address self-esteem and confidence, I think that is one of the biggest areas if personal development.
Positivity and posture has a lot to do with self-esteem like you say, those are my two favourite points that anyone can immediately apply. When you have a positive mindset it is easier to feel more confident.:)
Confidence comes from being good at something, or realising that you are actually not that bad. If it requires you to go out and get more practice, and fail more before you become good, don’t be scared to go out and do this! Many successful and confident people have failed hundreds of times, and each time learnt from it.
Cheers!
Have a rockin’ day!
Diggy – Upgradereality.com´s last blog ..Self-Improvement is (not) for losers!
Great post! I love the “Impress yourself” tip! That’s such a great idea.
I think another aspect of confidence, is keeping your promises to yourself. When you say you’re going to wake up early to exercise, do it. Each time you don’t you erode a bit of trust in yourself, and that undermines your self-confidence.
Kaizan´s last blog ..How to Make Sure That Nothing Gets Between You and Your Good Habits
Dayne, great to have another opportunity to comment on your one of your thought provoking posts.
Confidence and self-esteem are so critical to us humans.
To your comprehensive and valuable list, I would add:
13) Help others – especially those in difficult circumstances.
There are so many opportunities to share your presence with others who are going through some tough times. Years ago I used to visit a young prison inmate in a maximum security jail (for social visits).
He was from overseas (had committed a relatively minor crime whilst on holidays in Australia), but was locked up for three years with men who had committed far more serious crimes. It was a terrifying environment. He had no local family and so never got any visitors.
It was an incredible experience and an important reference point in helping my confidence unfold.
Best to you, Robin
Robin Dickinson´s last blog ..Moving ovation for a hero: Jobs thanks his life-giver
“Pride is the recognition that you are your own highest value, and like all of man’s values, it must be earned.”- Ayn Rand
I love the setting goals to boost confidence. Really you can’t even have success without goals as success means completion of a set goal.
Justin Dixon- AlittleBetter.net´s last blog ..The Hidden Value of Difficulties
Forget perfection. That’s one of my favorites
We don’t need to be perfect, we just have to be who we are. Another good exercise is to list down some of the people who know you and then list some of the things you think they love or appreciate about you. This perspective often works because we often tend to miss out on some of the good things other people see in us like the way they love our jokes, or our thoughtfulness, or even the way we call their name.
Abbiejoice at I TAKE OFF THE MASK´s last blog ..It is With Passion That You Will Find Happiness
Loving the The last part. Its all about your attitude towards your works.Keep up the good work with this blog Sir. I’m happy to be a regular on this site. Develop that positive attitude is the 1st step.
“Belief creates the actual fact”
-William James
jonathanfigaro´s last blog ..Positive Thinking From 4 World Famous Humans!
Hi Dayne,
I believe eliminating negative self talk is a great way to boost our self esteem. Sometimes we beat ourselves up too much that we look down upon ourselves. By removing our negative self talk and replacing them with positive words will definitely help to improve our self esteem.
Cheers,
Vincent
Vincent´s last blog ..Tony Robbins UPW In Singapore
Hello,
This is a great list but “Avoid negativity” really stands out for me. Negativity is rampant in my office, people will jump on anything, assume the worst and focus on the bad points. No-one ever, EVER, gets positive about anything. And, yes, there’s a bunch of stuff going on in the company that could be greatly improved but I think it’s the attitude that is dragging everyone down and stopping us from improving. It’s a vicious circle, things don’t go right, people moan, everyone gets depressed and moans some more, work quality lowers and nothing changes.
It’s really hard to be positive when you are surrounded by negativity.
Also, one other thing this made me think about is the way that we treat our kids. Be too negative towards your kid and criticise and scold the things they do wrong and they will continue to do wrong – praise and encourage and they will strive within themselves to be better.
Great blog, glad I found it!
Steve.